big-boss-official:

big-boss-official:

When u hear your friend john talking shit about someone but you’re in church so you tell him to tone it down:

prozc:

me: wants to play multiple instruments, create art, speak multiple languages, etc.

me: lays on the floor face down for an hour instead

unrelatedtouserboxes:

babel-infocalypse:

unrelatedtouserboxes:

the human life is a strained and tense one. i envy the life of a smooth rock resting on the beach… warmed by the sun… unaware of the trials and tribulations of sentient life… 

do you need to talk

i wish i was a croissant 

officialunitedstates:

latticearchive:

officialunitedstates:

wondering if i will sneeze today

keep us posted

no.  its none of your business

clown-dick:

for someone who pretends to have no emotions whatsoever im really sensitive

snapchatting:

*moves chair over to the left* interior designer

samephonewhothis:

frawgs:

frawgs:

i just saw my cousin on tinder can i die shes gonna know i’m gay

WAIT THAT MEANS

prayerbucket:

This water is VEGAN???? *spits it out* bring me some meat water you punk clown

librabutch:

someone i speak to every day: hey

me: i miss you and i love you

girlasabodyofwater:

i eat a lot of bread because it’s soft and i deserve it. also i am gorgeous

stevenfresco:

sorry i have bubonic plague i can’t hang out tonight

crystalqueer:

My sister said the birds in her town were acting weird and I was like uh-huh whatever and then she sent pictures and

Now I’m terrified.

I need to get laid

licknugo:

To rest. Put me in a coffin, let my soul ascend

spiderboyneedsahug:

explicitcherry:

*looks at the moon* well arent you gonna help me bitch